July 2001 Archives
Spoke to Michelle again today, she rang me and we talked for ages. She is not having a good run recently. As we talked I realised I still love her, with other relationships the love I felt had slowly transformed into something else, a strong deep and generally platonic friendship. This hasn't happened with my feelings for Michelle yet and it may never happen. She has however permanantly ruined our relationship, which puts my love for her in a difficult context.
I have been trying to not speak my mind when we talk as it only sends us further apart. However Michelle needs to understand that "you are responsible for your own destiny".
I may be a cantakerous pedantic bastard but generally I know where my decisions are taking me. Which is probably why I only scored a 47% in the purity test.
Spice of the Week: Lemon Myrtle
Botanical Name: Backhousia citriodora
Common Names: Lemon Ironwood, Sand Verbena Myrtle, Sweet Verbena Tree, Tree Verbena
Description: Originating from Queensland, Lemon Myrtle is a bushy rainforest tree which grows on average to about 8m, having dark green oval tapering lemon-scented leaves to 100 mm long. The leaves are similar in appearance to bay leaves. It flowers prolifically in autumn with large bunches of small white flowers on the ends of the branches. It is a common garden plant in Brisbane and is now being planted commercially for their lemon oil content. The essential ingredient is Citral, which accounts for over 90% of the plants essential oil, compared to about 3% in lemon oil. The oil is extracted by steam distillation.
Usage: The leaves can be used fresh or dried & ground, unusually the dried form retains most of the volatile top flavour notes. It has flavour which combines elements of lemongrass, kaffir lime, lemon verbana but retains a hint of eucalyptus. They can be used as a substitute for lemongrass in asian cooking and complements baked fish & grilled chicken. Can also be used to make a lemon tea (often blended with assam black tea). It goes well in sweet breads, pastries and cheesecakes.
Woken up this morning by an unexpected SMS.
Did I want to go to Flemington Markets? Without hesitation I rushed to get ready.
I still find it hard to believe that there are so many aspects of Sydney that I have yet to experience. My friends and work colleagues who have lived here there entire lives often assume I have been and done key Sydney things.
In this regard I sit between tourist and local, something I find odd because I now think of Sydney as my home (that in itself is only a recent thing). In one sense this is an advantage as it allows me to step outside the borders sometimes and look at the city I live in with fresh eyes.
The markets today were something I had not yet been to. A number of times in the past people have suggested I go, but it was always a bit of a hike and I tended to take the easier option of Haymarket.
The experience of shopping for food, a drudge for many is to me thoroughly invigorating. However the quality of the food offered by the big supermarkets usually disappoints. They have huge buying power and often waste it by buying for the lowest common denominator.
I am unsure if it is because of my vegetarianism or simply the effect of my father and his passion for nurturing that, which grows in the earth. Maybe it was simply growing up in an agricultural area. Regardless of the cause, the end effect has been to nurture a deep and intense relationship with food and flavours. As I have matured, this love of food extended to create a deep sense of satisfaction for the creative process of food preparation.
Unlike my sister I did not inherit my father's forte for coaxing life out of soil, seeds and water. However we both inherited (and amplified) his aptitude in the kitchen.
Last weekend feeling down, tired and empty, forced myself to get out of the house and do some shopping, wandered aimlessly around yet another soulless shopping complex for a few hours before finally deciding to get groceries. Found direction while selecting mushrooms.
Later that same day... unpacking and preparing to cook, surrounded on all sides by fresh food:
Flour, eggplant, walnuts, noodles, lemon, kai lan, wombuk, grapefruit, zucchini, capsicum, black fungus, tofu, mung sprouts, split peas, rice
Felt centered and totally at peace for the first time in days.
I noticed dave was explaining some more about himself via some questionable value personality tests. As yet another example of the wonders of coincidence. I was also investigating some of the same quizes.
Although it kept on failing, I eventually got thru the gay test and scored a fence sitting 47%. This kind of fits in well with my theory of everyone being born bi-sexual with most people diverging at some point in their life. Sometime I may do some of the more general personality tests as well (the results could be quite scary!)
Well. the "big tool day" arrived and has now passed (barely)
I had mixed feelings approaching the concert.
One of my good friends had suggested the four men with music would cheer up my month after lots of unhappiness in other areas.
This did turn out to be true. As always Tool had a very uplifting effect on me. However being a particularly harsh critic I must say that as a performance it was nothing compared to their previous tour. They took a long time to warm up the crowd and themselves, this of course could be related to the overlarge venue. Maynard was quite restrained which was very unlike his previous performances. However the band were tight musically as to be expected, well rehearsed (again the newer songs seemed to not be as smooth, given a few more months of touring I expect this will change). The mix was excellent, however with such a clean mix the mistakes/technical issues (which there were a few, the most noticable during the last song) really showed up.
The setlist was far too predictable for my tastes, I would have liked to have seen at least one non single/future single featured. Also they did not perform anything from the Opiate EP, the last tour we were treated to a lovely rendition of the EP's title track which in my opinion goes down as well as Eulogy (arguably the best track of the night) with the crowd.
For those who are interested, here is my (probably totally incorrect) setlist
- The Grudge
- Forty Six & 2
- Prison Sex
- Schism Video/Intermission
As mentioned before even though the performance was not quite as good as the previous tour, I still thouroughly enjoyed myself. I am worried that recently I have empathised much more with the lyrical content. I have long known the various interpretations of the lyrics to songs like Stinkfist, 4 Degrees, Forty Six & 2 etc. I've not felt this so strongly before. It is disturbing and enlightening to experience these thoughts and emotions.
After experiencing these feelings again during the concert, I have come to the conclusion that they are simply my mind helping me deal with the end of my relationship with Michelle.
I need to explore these feelings to their logical conclusion.
Well, i shouldn't be writing this right now. Logic dictates sleep, and as usual I ignore that.
Been like this a lot recently, I guess you could describe it as a bit of a funk, can't be motivated enough to get out and about, yet my incessant drive to tweak, customise or fiddle with something on the puter
Well that or playing around with my new "toy" - a DVD player, which is good fun but my collection is still quite small, based on the DVDs i've seen so far, the medium has a long way to go. I'm quite worried that early adopters will be penalised, and also would like to have some idea of the longevity of the standard, but hey we'd all love to have a crystal ball. CDs have nearly reached 20 years in the marketplace, will DVDs match that? Somehow I doubt it.
Work was really frustrating today, got nowhere was constantly expected to be a "guru". I need to re-establish some strong non work activities. Hopefully the Mandarin course will be a good first step. Odd that, I decide I want to travel to China at some point in the future, so sign up for Mandarin, the next day, I hear one of my work mates has gone there for a month, seems very confident he'll get by with just English!
Heard from michelle for the first time in ages today. I guess it made me happy, still some pain though. Pain that must be dealt with I guess. Speaking of Michelle, yesterday was a bit odd. Went to a farewell and saw plenty of people who Michelle and I had worked with. All I got was "so how is Michelle/Grant?" inside i was screaming? "aren't any of you interested in how I am?"